◀ Sunday, May 22, 2011
Last night, Linus and I had one of the most honest heart to heart talks. We covered almost all grounds. From our past relationships to our present lives. We talked about our futures together, and most of all, we didn't fight. Yes, we did say stuff that hurt each other. I told him he wasn't my first love, he told me he didn't allow himself to love me again that easily. So much came up that I think it was why we had trouble sleeping after that. He woke up at 7, left for work, leaving me alone and crying in my bed. Right now, I can't quite describe how I feel. Lonely? Disappointed? Enlightened? Would my heart be feeling this way if we didn't have that talk last night / this morning? I'd like to think so. Would that conversation change our relationship for the better? I hope so. But right now, we know things that may end up being brought up in future arguments and that, isn't very good.
I am trying to be the best girlfriend to Linus. I know he wants to be the best for me too. I don't know when moving on with our relationship got so difficult. Could it be that we've known each other for too long and we know each other TOO WELL and neither of us want to give in that it has come to this?
Close to a year and we're still not settling down. Yeah, I've never felt more comfortable with anyone than I feel with him. But that doesn't mean we're already settled down. Because I never fought more with anyone either. On Friday night, I was so scared of losing him that I gave in almost immediately. I'm not sticking with him because I'm scared of losing him. I KNOW I'm not. I'm sticking with him because I love him.
But this is hard.
Please get easier.